January 24, 2013
I spent a wonderful evening last night with over 80 women at a Power of Moms event. Whitney Johnson spoke, as well as April Perry, Saren Loosli, and Linda Eyre. I met a number of honest, devoted, caring mothers who inspired me to do better.
Knowing I would be gone last evening, I drafted my post for Segullah the night before, tapped out the words way past midnight, when everyone was finally asleep, and the house was picked up. It was a hard mothering night, and I wrote about it honestly over there. About my inability to keep my cool, “remain still.” I’m a little worried about what I wrote, but maybe you will relate and I can learn from you. It’s all I had for today. Come over and share your thoughts. I’d love to hear them.
GreenGirl
I really like your piece! Well done.
Angie
I LOVE the photo and quote: "The wind howls but the mountain remains still." Did you take the photo? It's stunning!
Georges
Your writing is a blessing to me! Thank you for your honesty! It is so validating. I loved the quote and scripture you shared as well. Also, Bec gave me a copy of Deliberate Motherhood and I love it! I have read and re-read your chapter a few times. 🙂 Your insights have helped me so much during this phase of motherhood I am in currently. Thank you! Kathleen
catharvy
GreenGirl – thank you.
Angie – No, I didn't take the photo. Should have worked harder at figuring out who did, so I could give them photo credit. Great aerial view though, isn't it?
Kathleen – You are so sweet. Becca loves you so much. Always has. How nice to get that feedback from you. Thank you for saying something here. I bet I could learn oodles just watching you mother. You're so calm and gentle. I hope you are well. xo
Cindy
I had somehow missed your post on Segullah before, so just went and read it now. I can't imagine what it's like to have 2 sets of twins, and everyone so close together. But I can remember (fortunately not very much) what it's like to have a 14 year old, a 10 year old, a 7 year old, and 2 year old triplets, and to be homeschooling the older 3 kids. It was not a particularly good time in my life. One of the things I have a distinct memory of is yelling at my kids, I believe the 10 year old and 7 year old, so hard that my throat hurt when I was done. And at the same time I was yelling a part of me was thinking "Why on earth am I so out of control, what is my problem and why can't I do a better job of this and get control of myself?" I felt terrible that I couldn't manage to (consistently) be a better mother. Well guess what. The kids got a little older, and the yelling stopped. Completely. Sometimes I get upset and speak with tension in my voice and my super-sensitive now-17 year old calls that yelling, but I haven't really yelled in almost a decade.
It's kind of a relief to know that that wasn't the real me. That was the real me under an extreme amount of stress, the kind of stress that most people will never experience. The all day long and all evening long and sometimes during the night kind of stress that just wears you down. It's really really hard to keep yourself charged up enough to deal with that day in and day out without ever losing it. So please remember that this isn't the real you either! Every time I pop over to look at your blog (because I do love multiples, and you having 2 sets is fascinating!) I "leave" a little exhausted.
PS–my mom had 10 kids. When I was still 6 (and I'm the oldest) she had twins, they were #'s 5 and 6. I'm sure there *must* have been some yelling in there somewhere, but I remember none of it. What I do remember is how much my mom loved me…
Deb
I loved your post! You are an amazing Mom and I am always so impressed with how good you truly are. You are such a great example! I love you!!
catharvy
Cindy – your comment made me cry. Thank you for understanding and for giving me such genuine, helpful perspective. I hope it's not who I am in those moments, and I hope (as you said) my kids remember all the kid and less of the bad. Sending love.
Deb – Your so sweet to offer kind words so often. It means the world to me. I love you.
catharvy
Cindy – typo: all the good and less of the bad. 😉 And your Mom? Ten kids with twins? In awe.
Cindy
Cath–didn't even see the typo–I have mom-brain! I'm glad you could really hear what I was saying, and I hope it helps in those really out of control moments.
I'm in awe of my mom too. She was amazing. But you know the interesting thing is that she wasn't really good at a lot of the things we waste a lot of time & energy on. She gave the world's worst gifts–we're all a little (or a lot) scarred about Christmas. She only made one thing for dinner. So if the salad got made "first" then it was salad we ate. She had all sorts of crazy ideas. But I finally realized when I was about 30 that it really didn't matter what presents we got, or how many courses dinner was, what mattered was that she had loved us so much and really did it in a way that it has stuck with all of us. I'm glad I figured that out before she died a few years later…
PS–that inversion looks nasty!
Shelley
I think you're amazing! I started reading your blog once in a while after I had twins almost 4 years ago (#4&5 for us)and learned so much from you. Since then we had another son and another set of twins! Your description of your day resonated strongly, as did your struggle with yelling. Thankful to God who offers forgiveness and grace to start over again and again.
Kara
Love that, Cath. The Mountain Remains Still. Loved the Psalm at the end too. Beautiful.